My whole life it’s been really hard for me to “be still.” Just ask my mom. Her most frequent request of me as a child was to “slow down” and “sit still.” And she had to continuously say it because I was a busy body, quite an anxious child.
I know that kids tend to have abundant energy (where does it go in midlife?), and maybe in my youth being still would not have been the right thing for me (or maybe it would have been — I am a Projector in Human Design and was most likely just riding on the sacral energy around me). Fun fact: I was also a kid that put myself to bed and never had to be asked to go to sleep at night. Exhausted after so much go-go-go.
Much of that pattern continued into my teens, twenties, and thirties. Go-go-go. Crash. Rinse and Repeat.
But now in midlife, and after learning more about being a Projector, I know to the depths of my soul that stillness is a point of power, the birthplace of intentional transformation. I know this not only from my own lived experience, but also from leading thousands of people through transformational experiences over the years.
Different Human Design types carry different levels of energy and output.
And yes, there are times in our lives when transformation chooses us — through an unexpected death, a job loss, or a divorce. In those moments, chaos becomes the starting point of transformation. And of course there are times when taking action is the fulcrum to change.
However, I have found that when we are itching for a new way, craving a change, or looking to transform something in our lives, the most effective move is often the opposite of what we expect.
Getting still.
I was reminded of this again yesterday.
I led a virtual VIP coaching experience with a glorious client. And before we did anything, I led her through the SPIRAL of Transformation — a six-step process that combines somatic practice, space, questions, and reflection to help bring clarity about what matters most and identify a vision for what’s next. [SPIRAL stands for Stillness, Purging, Identifying, Realizing, Activating and Learning].
This is very much a mind + body + soul experience.
And here’s what that looked like.
We did fifteen minutes of breathwork using an Othership track. I briefly enrolled her in the SPIRAL process and the importance of starting with Stillness. Then I gave her a few questions to reflect on…
What wants to be born?
What’s a new possibility I want to create?
What’s a positive change I’d like to see?
What’s a challenge I’d like to overcome?.
From there, I gave her space and some light background music. I breathed deeply and stayed present. I put nature scenes on the screen. And for about ten minutes, she wrote her responses.
After that, she shared what came up for her and I reflected back. She felt calmer and more present and had clarity on the direction forward. From there, we moved on to the next stage of the SPIRAL.
Making the time and space to get still, and to be witnessed by someone, allowed her to see, hear, and feel things differently than if she had simply charged forward. The extended pause, which continued as we moved through the other stages of the SPIRAL, allowed her to really tune in to her truth.
The starting point of transformation is stillness.
When we get still we can listen to our body, hear the soft whisper of our intuition, and tune into the higher desires of God. When we get still, we tune out the noise, let go of distractions, and find an inner truth that was always there but that we were simply too busy to hear.
Stillness is not something you do once expecting your life to change.
Stillness must become a practice.
In fact, one of the takeaways for my client yesterday was that she needed to begin her day with stillness instead of starting immediately with an extensive to-do list.
More than ever in this busy world we live in, we must be intentional about creating moments of stillness in our day.
Stillness might look like waking up fifteen minutes earlier to do a short breath practice, meditation, devotion, or prayer. Stillness might look like sitting down to eat lunch outside in the sunshine without your phone. Stillness might look like taking a yoga class. Stillness might look like putting down your work in the middle of the day to take a walk.
As simple as that.
Stillness is not avoidance or procrastination or numbing out or disengaging from your life.
Stillness is an intentional pause that allows truth to surface before we rush into action.
But stillness will very likely feel uncomfortable if you’re not used to it. You may feel like you’re not being productive. You may even feel like you’re wasting time.
In fact, that discomfort is often a sign you’re doing it right.
The more you resist stillness, the more you probably need it. That’s how these things tend to work.
Daily stillness has become a way of life for me. It’s how I start my day. It doesn’t always look the same, but typically for about ninety days at a time my mornings follow a similar rhythm before I begin a new experiment with stillness. (See below for my current morning stillness routine and links to resources if any of them resonate with you).
I’ve found that when I begin my day with stillness, everything works better.
I’m calmer and more focused. I can better tolerate the stressors of the day. I’m a better mom and partner. And I’m more likely to find moments of stillness throughout the day if I start with stillness in the morning.
The world is full of chaos. Now maybe more than ever. Our instinct is to react, to move faster, to do something. But what if the real starting point of transformation is the opposite?
What if the most powerful step forward is the moment we choose to be still?
For those who are curious, here’s what my morning stillness currently looks like.
Reading my Jesus Calling devotion and corresponding Bible verses
Writing in my Sacred Prayer journal
A 20 minute fascia stretch (my latest obsession - brings so much calm and focus throughout the day. You should try it!)
An Othership breathwork practice (here’s my current favorite track. You should try it!)
20 minutes in the Sauna